On October 16, Sierra Dator, LCSW, and Marcus Moore, MFT presented a free parenting event at Cherry Valley School in Petaluma. We spoke on the topic of anxiety during the “tween” and “teen” years.
Many thanks to the parents and teachers who attended this event! We appreciated the interest and enthusiasm for supporting teens during this often stressful time.
Below is an outline of our presentation. The actual talk included more information, but we thought it would be helpful to post it here for people who could not attend.
If you aren’t interested in this talk or a similar presentation for your school or parenting group, feel free to contact Marcus at (707) 772-5085 or marcus@petalumafamilytherapy.com.
**************
10-16-2013 Anxiety Presentation- Marcus Moore and Sierra Dator (PDF)
**************
5 Tips for Supporting Anxious Children
By Marcus Moore, MFT and Sierra Dator, LCSW
www.petalumafamilytherapy.com www.sierradator.com
What is anxiety?
ñOur body and brain’s way of preparing for possible future danger or needs
ñFight, Flight, Freeze response to perceived danger or anticipation of danger
ñSurvival instinct
When to be concerned about my kid’s anxiety:
If what you are seeing is interfering with their functioning in:
* Friendships-Making/keeping friends
* School-Refusing to go, hard to get out of bed
* Relationships– Disconnection, frequent arguments
* Activities– Withdrawal, decreased energy and performance
* Inability to do things wanting to do– Won’t/cannot do something because it is too anxiety provoking
* Sleep– Too much, disrupted, or unable
* Eating– Too much or too little, changes in regular appetite, gaining or losing weight without intention, comfort eating
* Safety– Child becomes suicidal or starts self-harm, AKA cutting
* Panic Attacks
* Somatic Complaints
5 TIPS
1. Safety first
ñIs child actually in danger of something?
ñDepression and anxiety go hand in hand. May want to ask them if they are suicidal or cutting.
2. “What’s the deal?”
ñExplore all factors influencing your child to be overly anxious.
ñGet physical check up by a primary care provider.
ñIs anxiety a normal response to the situation they are facing, or is it excessive?
ñMeet with teachers/other adults involved in your child’s life.
ñIf you want to seek therapy for your child, meet with a therapist first to discuss the situation and see if they think the therapist would be a good fit.
ñAre there any secondary gains to your child being seen as “anxious” or “fragile”?
ñWhat needs to change?
3. “Go Team!”
ñRespond quickly but not crazily, especially with school refusal
ñTalk with professional if you and child are suffering
ñGet support from resources online/books, teachers, mentor, friends
4. Learn tools
ñGet on the same page as parents
ñCommunicate with each other about your concerns and worries
ñAdopt a stress-reducing lifestyle and routine
ñWork out your relaxation muscles
ñSleep and Exercise
ñHealthy diet
ñDevelop routine parents and children can commit to
ñFor Social Anxiety-Social skills group
ñLearn how to communicate with your child about anxiety
◦ Don’t minimize feelings nor spend hours feeding the anxiety
◦ Somatic symptoms feel real
◦ Help label feelings
ñUse their strengths as tools
ñBecome comfortable feeling uncomfortable.
◦ Avoidance of anxiety-producing situations prolongs/exacerbates anxiety
◦ The goal is to face fears and manage anxiety not rid self of anxiety
◦ Exposure-Reduce anxiety by experiencing things that used to create anxiety and then realizing we are still ok.
ñAs a parent become more specific with your questions and intent. The goal is not to always to be comfortable with things, but to take positive risks and expand comfort zones.
ñInstead of asking, “Are you comfortable with this?” Try:
“What would help you have the courage to try _______?”
“Let’s take small steps to improve your confidence in _______.”
“Do you feel anxious because you think _______ might be unsafe? What could happen?”
5. Facing fears
ñSupport in taking risks
ñDon’t let anxiety rule
ñOne step at a time- gradual exposure
ñReasonable, realistic expectations
RESOURCES
FOR TEENS
My Anxious Mind: A Teen’s Guide to Managing Anxiety and Panic
By Michael A. Tompkins, Katherine Martinez and Michael Sloan
The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry
By Lisa M. Schab, LCSW
“What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids)
By Dawn Huebnerand Bonnie Matthews
Anxiety BC
www.youth.anxietybc.com/
FOR PARENTS
Anxiety-Free Kids: An Interactive Guide for Parents and Children
By Bonnie Zucker
Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child’s Fears, Worries, and Phobias
By Tamar Chansky Ph.D.
Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents
By Ronald Rapee PhD, Ann Wignall D Psych, Susan Spence PhD and Heidi Lyneham PhD
Parenting From the Inside Out
By Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell
Anxiety BC
www.anxietybc.com/parent/index.php
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/ask-and-learn/resources
GROUP THERAPY
Sierra Dator, LCSW- www.sierradator.com
Girls’ Support Groups- For girls who want to feel accepted just as they are, lessen anxiety, and desire to make healthy connections with other girls. We create art, play games and activities, talk, write, snack, and learn skills to help us in the world.
Marcus Moore, MFT- www.petalumafamilytherapy.com
Social Skills Group – Helps junior-high age boys (age 11-14) gain new social tools and practice interacting with their peers. If your child struggles with recognizing social cues, starting conversations, feels like he has no friends, is sensitive and easily hurt by others’ criticism, has difficulty relating to peers and their stories or experiences, has difficulty recognizing humor or uses inappropriate humor, or has other struggles with social functioning, a social skills group may be helpful.